I got to thinking this week about how much I’ve changed in recent years. I’m not even through my twenties yet. And when I think on who I was at eighteen compared to who I am now, the changes are astronomical.
When I was in my teens, I was a carnivore, government hating, nearly male hating, academically driven, college educated young women. I wanted a career in museums. I glorified the fact that I ate meat. I hated Bush (and still do) and was really ashamed of being an American during one of the darker periods of American history. I thought that I would one day have PhD. And I was certain that I would have a thriving career ten years down the road. I would most certainly be financially independent. And I was also scared to death of men. Near the point of running away when guys hit on me. No joke. The urge to run was real.
Now…I’m vegan (98% of the time and I just made a video on my TribalFaerie channel as to why that is). I am a proud American who while not liking everything her government does…I see the good and the bad alongside one another. I no longer want a career in museums but value the education I received because it made me a disciplined, well-balanced and knowledgeable human being. I am so tired of academia that I no longer want a PhD. That might change but it’s unlikely right now. I am still living at home, but I am working hard to get my career up and running. As are many others of my current generation. Along with those of the previous generation as companies are constantly laying people off. I’m not alone in my financially insecure boat in the lake of job-uncertainty. And I recently found a man who has made me rethink everything I thought I knew about being in a relationship. Never thought I would say that. But it’s true. I am, and have been, questioning everything I thought I once knew about being with someone.
I have been caught saying things to friends very matter of factly then turning around and doing the opposite years later. I am always changing and re-evaluating my thoughts, my views, and who I am. But as far as I’m concerned, as long as I strive to be a better version than my previous self, I am on the right track to living a meaningful life.
The song by Vanessa Carlton called “I Don’t Wanna Be a Bride” comes to mind. Vanessa sang about how she never wanted to get married and she was satisfied with how her life was. Years later, she got married, moved away from New York (she still might own her NY place, I dunno), and she has a child with her husband. When it first happened, I felt a little betrayed. But now, I see why she did it. She changed. And we have to allow those changes to occur inside us with tolerance for new perspectives.
Deep for a mere blog entry, I know. But those are the thoughts going on in my brain right now.