Goodbye Peter Pan

This drum is going to be beating for quite some time, so I guess I might as well put down a few of my own feelings.

I adored Robin Williams. He was (can’t believe I am having to use past tense)… okay… IS, and shall always REMAIN one of my favorite actors of all time. And comedians. And artists. I remember writing him a fan letter when I was in the 6th grade. I was devastated to learn yesterday that he took his own life. As was the rest of my family.

I don’t remember a time when there wasn’t Robin Williams. The first film I ever saw him in when I was a kid was ‘Hook.’ So he will always remain Peter Pan to me. And suddenly I have a wild hankering to watch that movie.

I have a difficult time with his death primarily because of the nature of it. As it is currently suspected that he committed suicide, I am conflicted by some of the chatter regarding it. He was said to have bipolar disorder. I have two relatives with this disorder who have both attempted or threatened suicide in the past when experiencing a low. I am no stranger to being a victim of this illness from the outside. And often times I think that the family suffers equally with this type of illness. Because while the person with it suffers greatly, the family has to watch the highs and lows as they happen. And let me just say, (say it loud, say it proud) it is devastating and profoundly painful.

I remember a quote from the behind the scenes footage of “Silver Linings Playbook. (A film I enjoyed, but have issues with because of the presentation of the nature of the illness). Someone in the footage said that the family members of those who have bipolar often have to “learn to regrow their heart one or twice a week. And sometimes every day.” Truer words have never been spoken. This resonated with me. Because when you are dealing with emotional disorders, it’s often easy to forget the ill person’s perspective (although not always logical) is dramatically different from your own.

I do not set blame on Robin Williams and I will never call his suicide “selfish” as many people tend to do concern this cause of death. Because the blatant fact is this: The perspective of someone who is ill often times cannot be altered. No matter how hard one tries. No matter how much medication. No matter what chemical imbalance. There are certain lows that are so low that there is nothing that can bring a person back up. I have seen this up close and personal for most of my life. And therefore, hope that Robin has found some peace.

I have often wondered if I should write about my personal experiences with having family members with bipolar disorder. I have been told by a few friends who know what has gone on in my personal life that my life would make a good story. I would most definitely write it under a pseudonym for privacy reasons. But as a contemporary fictional story. Because quite frankly, Pat from “Silver Linings Playbook” had it pretty damn easy compared to some of the shit that has gone down in my house.

Anyway…tangent… Hats off to one of the most amazing actors/artists/comedians I have ever had the pleasure of watching. This world was made better by his presence in it.

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