Writing Under Duress

Drama Drama Drama… let’s count the things that happened in the last week or so.

1.) A relative that I have been caring for was hospitalized and we found out this said person has an incurable disease. FUN!

2.) Saturday morning – a drunk/intoxicated driver at 7am on a Saturday morning went out of control and crashed through our front lawn, took out two trees, and slammed into our neighbors house. Nearly took out their nursery for their one year old baby. (Which could have been bad…SO VERY VERY BAD!!). No one was hurt, but we just found out that this prick doesn’t have car insurance. FUN!

3.) Middle of the night, my dog got sick. I rushed her out of the room so she wouldn’t puke on my bed and bashed my foot into the corner of the door. Boom! Two fractured toes and a blue/purple foot. MORE FUN!

4.) Said sick relative got sicker. GAH!

5.) My brother got a new job only to go to the wrong building on his first day and they threatened to fire him. Just for that alone. HIS FIRST DAY!! WTF?

Aside from all of this, caring for this relative (who remains unmentioned for privacy reasons) has been a full time job for quite some time now. The limits of this illness causes said person to be rather nasty due to imbalances and there is nothing I can do to help but cook, clean, and take care of all the home necessities. I am emotionally exhausted 90% of the time and wonder for my own sanity sometimes.

How do others write under these kinds of conditions? I always think of that line in ‘Silver Linings Pkaybook’ when Dr. Patel tells Pat, “You must overcome, you have no choice. Excelsior.” I wish I could do this. I wish I could just get my shit done regardless of how I feel. I am emotionally drained. And when that happens, I can’t write. Or when I do try to write under these condition, I end up with total garbage.

I like writing novelettes and novellas, so in theory if I had all the time I needed, I could put out one every 2 weeks. Or even less. Such is needed to get my career going. But I just can’t muster the energy. Then I feel guilty because I am not working. Which breeds self-loathing. It’s just a plain awful cycle.

I read about writers like Jasinda Wilder. She and her family were about to go under and she managed to bring them back up and out of the threat of poverty by working her ass off and writing regardless of how she felt or how bad things got. How do people get that kind of energy? Where does it come from? I would like to think I am not a lazy person, but damn! How do these writing ninja’s do it?

Rant over.

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