Focus! Focus! Focus!

Where is my focus? G.O.N.E. So gone!

Don’t even know where to start.

I guess I can treat this as a reflection and a bit of an update. This past year I did something completely unimaginable and something that I didn’t know I could do. Something that I had wanted to do for ages and told myself I would one day accomplish. I wrote a book to completion and published it. Self-published, but published none the less. Then, I did it again. And twice as fast. I wrote a second. No small feat in my book (no pun intended), and I was proud.

Then, the brain cells felt damaged. I have written over 100,000 words since then, and all of it has ended up trashed or I felt like it was garbage. I have two story ideas going, and I haven’t worked on either of them for longer than a couple days before turning in the towel and deciding to wait for a while. I can’t write when there is anxiety on every corner. And the feels are driving me crazy.

Personal life right now seems like it is falling to pieces, and the worst thing about that is I can’t do anything to fix it. I had a great disappointment recently when I thought I had answer to solve some of it and to get away, but I really don’t think that it will work out now. And that was devastating. What is a writer to do when surrounded by so much negativity? It’s overwhelming! And I am NOT a negative person. Others are telling me that I must persevere and do the writing despite everything happening around me. How? How? How?

I guess all writers have these times when they are completely stuck. Although I refuse to call it writer’s block. I hate that term and I never want to go back to that place again. Mainly because I had it for three years after my horrible experience with a very bad writing teacher in college. But let’s not go there.

For a while I had a cafe I would go to, but now I can’t even bring myself to do that.

So what to do?

I saw a clip on YouTube about how to pull yourself out of these ruts. And I think now is the time to use it. They said to create a notebook/binder full of pictures or images of people on the Internet Machine that look like your characters. You can reference it when needed for a little inspiration. I’m not sure this won’t turn into a celebrity crush book, but its worth a shot.

Second, I am going to create more playlists for the stories as I work on them. Because the ones I have now are clearly too short and I am already sick of listening to the music I have.

Any other ideas out there? Fellow writers, please tell me what your tips and tricks are when it becomes a challenge to even touch a keyboard or a pen? When your mind feels like mush and you can’t write a single word without SOME kind of interruption?

Even through all this negativity, I have been reading more. Which feels like an accomplishment even though anyone can sit there and read. And really its all an excuse because my work situation is so sad and sorry.

2014 – I am not yet impressed with you.

On a lighter note, I am truly, madly, deeply, in love with Birdy’s music. I have been for over a year now. This song somehow went unnoticed by me until recently and I can’t even say how much I love it. It’s been on repeat for three days. I get that way with songs. Thank god for headphones, or I would be driving my family insane. BIRDY!! GIVE ME INSPIRATION! Or better yet, some motivation…


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