There is one reason why I write as I do and why I am able to do so in any capacity. And that is my dad. He seems like my only support system at times and like the only one who truly believes in me and my writing.
For those of you who don’t know, I am a classic cliche, and the kind that I hoped never to become and did everything I possibly could to avoid. But given the economy, it couldn’t be avoided no matter how hard I tried. I am 26 years old, and having to live at home with my family. For more reasons than one, this has been a good and very bad thing. Good because I am fortunate to have a family that loves me and doesn’t mind in the slightest that I have to live at home right now due to the job marketing sucking so hard. Bad because family drama always ensues. But I think every family has that issue, in truth… Sometimes it just feels like my family gets the shit end of the stick ten times more often than others do. I talk to other people, and try to get a sneak peek into their life story only to realize that not even a fraction of the people I meet have been through anything like my family has. Often times growing up it felt like we were cursed.
But my dad has been that constant… the constant someone needs.
I know that a lot of people don’t have even that one person that they can really count on in that way and I am fortunate to have what I do. Which is why I guilt trip myself (on days like today) when I don’t get enough writing done. At least not enough to satisfy myself. I ask myself frightening questions, like: “Am I really doing everything that I can right now?” Gah!!! That is a question that I think everyone fears. And most of the time the answer is no. But it’s hard to motivate sometimes. Excruciatingly hard.
In the next year, I want to write two more “Elder Origins” books, (and get some good reviews on it DAMN IT)! I want to finish my current WIP and I want to see some real profits come from my books. Enough that maybe I can support myself. Long line of dreams given that practically EVERYONE knows that you can’t make a living out of writing, but I am hoping that I will be one such anomaly.
Never the less, I continue looking for a full-time job. That search seems never ending at times. Funny how someone with a Masters can’t get through the fucking door sometimes because HR has so many electronic firewalls in place to barricade new hires.
But I am fortunate to have my dad, who believed in my writing before I did, and continues to read every word that I write with great enthusiasm. Who told me that “The Elder Origins” was really good and that he wanted to read more short stories about Inazin (who he thinks is the most interesting character).
I would love to join a writing group at some time, but I have been a part of a few that were mainly about tearing others apart. So it’s hard for me to concede to joining one again. At least I have this one person in my life who believes in what I want to do with my life. And for now, that is all I need. Lord knows that I would have given up by now without him.